Sunday, July 19, 2015

The Dumbening of The Idiot, Part 1, Chapter 1, Bit 2

See Part 1, Chapter 1, Bit 1

Note: Any or all of the dialog may sound better spoken resnotulously fast. Because, well, it's dumb.
 
And now...


The Dumber Idiot, Part 1, Chapter 1, Bit 2

Cast so far:
TEMAZEPAM
The SCHLUB
PRINCE MOO

Scene: still on a plane.

TEMAZEPAM: I didn't do anything to piss him off. I was fuckin' sweet. My bro, on the other hand... Ugh, my Dad & my Mom, they thought his shit didn't smell. But, like, my mom and my bro didn't even wanna tell me Dad croaked. Had to hear it from someone else on Facebook, like, after the fact. And my bro's already taken, like, the best Rolexes 'n' shit. I heard he even took the one my Dad was buried in.
SCHLUB: That's fully gay, dude.
T: By rights, he should have his ass kicked. At LEAST. But so guess what? I didn't even tell them I'm coming back.
S: Woah!
T: Oh, AND my bro talked shit about me to my Dad before he died. But, I mean, my dad was already pissed about this girl I know, Natasha P.
S: Who?
T: Come on.
S: You're talking about THAT Natasha P?
T: Whatever, motherfucker.
S: Hey, Leeb knows some people.
[SCHLUB is talking about himself in the third person now. He is LEEB.]
Leeb knows all about Natasha P. Like her real name isn't P.
[Pause.]
It's Ba-rass.
[waves his finger in the air in a know-it-all way]
Leeb knows her family. There's also this guy Totsy-wotsy, and he's real good friends with Lady Cowabunga's husband. GENERAL Cowabunga. And Totsy's not too bad off, either. He's a CEO of... something, you know, whatever.
T: What? No way. You-- Leeb-- no way!
LEEB: Uh-huh! I was with Lee Ha for, like, a month. And (he/Lee HA) knows Natasha & he knows... everybody.
T: Wait, Lee Ha? HE knows Natasha? Like, really knows her? Like, he KNOWS knows her?
L: No-- I mean, I don't think so, but... Nah, those other dudes know she's all about the Totsy. He takes her to the VIP room & shit. Red carpet shit. So everybody that sees her, sees her with Totsy and that's it. Nobody tries shit with her.
T: Yeah... fuck. I heard about Totsy. My friend said Natasha lives with him now. But you know, I think it might be over with them. Totsy has some new bitch and they're getting married and shit. I saw Natasha at the club this one time-- oh, shit! Smoking, I mean smoking hot. Like... never.