Beauty, irksome gift

"These gifts – irksome as they are – were given to me for the enjoyment and delectation of my fellow-creatures. I am a trustee for Beauty, and it is my duty to see that the conditions of my trust are faithfully discharged."
--from Gilbert & Sullivan's "Patience"

De La Merde Déprimante, 7ème Parte

I recommend you see part 1 of my Depressing Shit series and read my original disclaimer here; now here's installment 7.

This post practically wrote itself. I added The Ambassador on Nerdflix, and all these got recommended to me. They must think I'm a glutton (or a gluten??) for punishment. They're at least partly right-- I plan to watch some of them.
Satan help me.


Movies

Diamonds of War: Africa's Blood Diamonds

End of the Road

Payback: Debt and the Shadow Side of Wealth

Rosetta (Netflix sez: "Desperate to escape the wretched trailer she shares with her alcoholic mother, 18-year-old Rosetta (Emilie Dequenne, who won Best Actress at the Cannes Film Festival) goes through many trials in an attempt to find a job -- or even a friend. This powerful Belgian film's stark portrayal of poverty led to a change in the teen labor laws of that country. Rosetta received an Independent Spirit Award nomination and won the Cannes Golden Palm.")

Surviving Progress



More depressing stuff: Read Part 2 here.
And here's Part 3.
And Part 4! Are you depressed yet?!
Part 5.
Part 6.

And as always, I welcome your suggestions for More Depressing Shit. Do comment, and I'll include any good suggestions in a future update.

Depressing Shit, Part 6; just morsels this time

I recommend you see part 1 of my Depressing Shit series and read my original disclaimer here; now here's installment 6.

Mere crumbs, this installment, but maybe that means the world is running out of depressing shit!   (Insert sounds of choking and spitting out a mouthful of beverage.)


Movies:

Harry Brown (Just see if you can make it through the first 5 minutes! And then there's MORE!)

Nil By Mouth (Netflix describes it thusly: "Acclaimed actor Gary Oldman makes his directorial debut with this searing drama, which tracks the lives of residents barely surviving in notorious South London, where everyone is striving to escape a drug-addled world of crushing poverty." I decided not to see this.)




More depressing stuff: Read Part 2 here.
And here's Part 3.
And Part 4! Are you depressed yet?!
Part 5.

And as always, I welcome your suggestions for More Depressing Shit. Do comment, and I'll include any good suggestions in a future update.

(Possibly) Depressing Shit, Part 5

I recommend you see part 1 of my Depressing Shit series and read my original disclaimer here; now here's installment 5.

Movies:
The Girlfriend Experience [Feels eerily like a documentary. This reminded me of why I hate businessmen and the corporate world and why I probably shouldn't live in New York again-- i.e., the businessmen. If you happen to be a businessman or other corporate fuck, see this movie, see if you're like these men, and then understand why I hate you.]
Inside Job [The Netflix blurb describes it as a "sobering documentary." Just the kind of thing I don't want to pay for, thanks.]
Life and Debt
Maxed Out [haven't seen it, but it sure sounds depressing!]
Ordinary People [suggested by my friend Gabe]

Ponette [Cf. "Maxed Out"]

Sicko [again, haven't seen it, don't want to. I know stuff sucks and I don't need it spelled out for me over and over.]

TV show:
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo [according to Entertainment Weekly; I've only seen clips.]


More depressing stuff: Read Part 2 here.
And here's Part 3.
And Part 4! Are you depressed yet?!

And as always, I welcome your suggestions for More Depressing Shit. Do comment, and I'll include any good suggestions in a future update.

Mad Tiger

Mal: I'm mad! Mad like a tiger!

Brin: Well, I'm pensive. pensive like a sparrow.

M: Well, I'm introspective like a WORM!

B: I'm plain like a pigeon.

M: That's not a state of mind!

B: It could be.

M: Are you trying to make me thnk again? You're trying to make me think again!

B: I can think about it for you.

M: Aw, babe. What would I ever do without you?

B: I guess you'd have to think.

[M and B hug and/or M hits B. The End.]

---

[See the site of National Sketch Writing Month for the meaning of all this.] 

Donkey

Don: When I grow up, I'm gonna be a donkey.

Aunt Silver [always very serious]: So you are. Good child.

D: I'm gonna be a FAST donkey![[

A: Well, now, we'll have to wait and see about that. We do come from a long line of donkeys, but not all of them have won the blue ribbon.

D: DON-KEEEEEEYY!

A: I know. You children are always in such a hurry to grow up and become lightning-fast donkeys. But these things take a while.

D: Noooo... [drops to the floor and rolls around]

A: Now. How about you bake your Auntie Silver some nice apple pie?

[D suddenly perks up.]

D: Pie! [rushes out]

A [calling to D]: And save me some nice crumbs, too! Can you do that, little Don-don?

[D reenters with a donut on a plate, and hands both to A.]

A: Thank you, Don. [then aside, to the camera or audience] I get so much stuff for free this way!

[And this part is now like an END.]

---

[See the site of National Sketch Writing Month for the meaning of all this.]

Game of Crying

Leem [sing-song]: I got three more clocks, three more clocks! I got three more clocks, 3moreclocks!

Glif: You're... so... lucky!

L: 3 more clocks, 3 more clocks!

G: Can I have some?! Can I have some?!

L: No... and... no.

G [groaning angrily]: Unnhhhnnn! You're so much better than me!

L: Don't feel bad. I'm just better than you. It's not YOUR fault.

G: It's not my fault!

[G starts fake crying, though it may not be apparent to the audience that it's fake. L takes G's arm.]

L: Let's go cry together... BABY.

[L makes a face as if trying very hard to cry.]

G: I'm a baby. It's my fault I'm bad.

[L suddenly stops trying to "cry."]

L: OK. That was fun. I'm gonna bring my Wishing Pone tomorrow.

G [now happy]: Bye!

L: Bye!

G: Bye! Bye!

L: Bye!

---

[See the site of National Sketch Writing Month for the meaning of all this.]

Yo-yos

[Luce wears a headset like someone might wear when teaching an exercise class. She talks loud and acts like the boss.]

Luce: OK, everyone, listen up. Nobody apologize to anyone for the rest of your lives.

[There's a murmur and some muttering among Everyone Else.]

Mannet: Do we have to take responsibility for our actions?

L: No. I don't want anyone taking responsibility for anything. Not your own actions, not anything else. And I don't want anyone apologizing. Do I make myself clear?

Noofy: What do we do now?

L: Just go about your business, do your jobs, and take long breaks to play cards and some games with marbles. And I don't want to hear any apologizing.

M: Hey! This guy just stepped on my toe!

L: So? What do you want me to do about it?

M [pouting]: Nothing.

L: If anyone even thinks about apologizing, I'm gonna use your head for a yo-yo. All of you. I'm gonna take all your heads and put them on strings from your necks and hold 'em all together like a bouquet of yo-yos. And play with 'em.

N: You said BOUQUET!

[Everyone But Luce gasps.]

L: You guys all suck. You don't deserve a playtime leader like me. I'm leaving. [Luce just stands there with arms folded across chest. Some of the others stare; others take out little toys such as marbles and yo-yos and start playing quietly.]

--THE END!--

---

[See the site of National Sketch Writing Month for the meaning of all this.]

Happy Everyone

[Mila and Fundis are in a kitchen. Both appear to be grown women. Fundis could also be male or of indeterminate gender.]

Mila [on phone]: Thanks, Mom. Can't wait to get your check. [Pause.] Yeah, you, too. Bye. [hangs up] I got the dolly dolly dollars!

Fundis [in a breathy, baby talkish voice with an English accent that might not sound authentic]: Hahppy, hahppy girl! Oh, hahppy, hahppy!

M: Yeah. I'm happy, alright. Fundis, what've we got for lunch?

F [pointing at M in a stupid way with both hands]: Hahppy, hahppy! Dolly girl Milly Mila doll hahppy happy dolly girl!

M: I guess we could have tuna sandwiches. We still have some bread left, right?

[M starts looking around the kitchen, opening the fridge, cupboards, and so on.]

F: Bready bready hahppy hahppy! Good girl! Hahppy girl for everyone!

M: Good. We've still got some canned tomatos [pulls can from cupboard, puts it on table] and potato skins.

[M gets stuff out from various places, putting things on the table. F picks up 2 plates and hands them directly to M with a bog, expectant smile, and then just stands there looking triumphant.]

M: Thanks, Fundis. [M starts putting things on plates, prepping sandwiches.] I'm sure lucky to have my mom and dad as parents. So are you. WE'RE lucky my mom and dad are my parents.

F: Lucky lucky hahhpy hahppy girly girly Mila Mila Milly moo!

M: Yeah, I'll get a real job one of these days.

F: Hahppy Milly Mila Fundy Fundis hahppy hahppy?

M: I know. This IS my job. You're more important than any job. And you know what, Fundis? Whatever you say goes, and that's the way I like it. [Pause. Then they hug.] You're the best life coach ever!

F: Hahppy dolly everybody! Wheeeee!

[Da End, for now...]


---

[See the site of National Sketch Writing Month for the meaning of all this.]

Just Act Natural, Actor

Divro: We're going to shoot this video, and we're going to show it before and in between the other parts of the show, ok?

Tamale: Ok.
 
D: So just get out there, and I'll already be shooting, and I want you to just do whatever. Just be yourself.
 
T: Just be myself?
 
D: Just be yourself.
 
T: Like how do you want me to be myself? What do you want me to do exactly?
 
D: You know... Just do what you always do. Just... Do what you'd normally do.
 
T: What I'd normally do?
 
D: Yeah. You know... Just... mess around.
 
T: Just mess around?
 
D: Yeah, just mess around. Goof around.
 
T: Goof around?
 
D: Yeah, you know. Just mess around. Goof around. Do what you like.
 
T: Just do what I like?
 
D: Yeah. Just do that.
 
T: Oh. Ok. I'll try to do that.
 
D: Ok. That's what I want.
 
T: So, like here... Here I am, in front of this fruit stand.
 
D: Yeah, yeah! That's great! It's, like, totally natural!
 
T: Yeah. So here I am. I'm just standing here. But if I get really natural, I might just... fall down.
 
[T sinks down on his or her feet.]
 
D: Ok, ok... or alternately, you could... wave at the camera. Yeah. How about you wave at the camera?
 
T: From down here on the ground?
 
D: Sure... Yeah, OK. I guess that could work... [T waves insincerely.] OK, OK, that's great... You're just... down there on the ground. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah.
 
T: Now what if I pull you down here with me? [pulls D's leg; D crumples down.]
 
D: Whoa! I mean... I guess that's cool. I mean, this is what you'd naturally do, right?
 
T: Naturally. [D keeps trying to videotape T.] I mean, I'm just being natural.
 
D: Of course. Right?

T: I don't know how else do be natural. I mean, this is just... me being me.

D: Exactly. That's exactly what I want.

[T slaps D over and over several times, first one cheek then the other, with a number or small, quick slaps. D looks confused.]

D: Brilliant! Just brilliant.

[T suddenly stands up.]

T: That's a wrap!

D [pleasantly surprised]: Wow! If you say so.

---

[See the site of National Sketch Writing Month for the meaning of all this.]