I Hedge How I Hedge (How I Hedge!) and This Is How (I Hedge)

"Region buffer is not available at this drugstore, which is a normal drugstore, I am told. Region buffer may not be normal. If it may or may not be normal, then it may not be normal." It is permitted to be normal, so it may be normal, but it also may not be normal. It is free to be normal or not.

Region butter could (also) be something. [Only say "also" here if you have already said something else and are now adding (region butter) to it.] [Cut the previous bracketed part if you have not... Never mind, folks who aren't me. Absurdity is here now. ("ABSURDITY WAS HERE" could run for the office of Item of Graffitti.)]

Butter sounds better than buffer. Butter is often tasty and therefore good. It is remarkably or notably good, and therefore usually superior to other, not notably buttery things. The butteryer a thing is, the better, in most cases.

No one would casually guess that I'd consumed coffee today. Notice I didn't say "drank" or "drunk." Using the more general word "consumed" leaves room for other words, another way to hedge.

(From my archives: "Use lots of parentheses, especially when hedging.")

Watch out for updates later, since I can't seem to stop hedging deeper into absurdity.

The Terrible Song Awards

-"Take My Breath Away" by Berlin
-"Hotel California" by blah blah
-"Barbie Girl" by whoever
-"Tick Tock" by Ke$ha-- although maybe it's just her voice and her singing that enpukify me. I'm trying to imagine if it could work sung by someone else. (Morissey? What a thought.)
-"Baby Baby" by Amy Grant
-the entire Titianic soundtrack (the rest of it is EVEN WORSE than Celine Dion!)
-the hits of Huey Lewis (I can't speak to his non-hits, though I would like to never hear those, either)
-"I've Had the Time of My Life," Black Eyed Peas version. Not that the original was good, either, but the Peas managed to bring out an extra-special "blech" quality. And note that this is (at least) the third item on this list from a movie soundtrack. Hmm.
Also note that each song I hate is like the opposite of a Lars Von Trier movie.

---and many more. I suppose I shouldn't think about this stuff so much... or let people know specific ways they can torture me.