America's Next Tough Dummy (National Sketch Writing Month)

[Mannequin or statue stands on stage. Might be in a store window or other display, though not necessarily. 2 "tough guys," FRED & UNFRED, enter.]

UNFRED: Hey, Fred-- look at that thing. (indicating the dummy to his friend)

FRED (smiles): Oh, yeah-- Heya, dope.

U: Hey, ya dummy.

[Slight pause; both stand there smiling as if they're waiting for dummy's hurt or angry reaction.]

F: Like, 'Oh, No, my feelings don't work!'

U: Hey, Fred-- 'my face doesn't work!'

F: 'Oh, no, my teeth don't work!'

U: My face is all worn out!

F: Yeah! From not saying nothin'!

U: Yeah!

[Both laugh. Then they both look disappointed, crestfallen.]

U: For real, though. What a dummy.

F: Yeah. Won't even talk or nothin.'

U: Yeah, like, what's the point?

F: Yeah, what's the point of anything?

[Pause.]

U: Damn.

[End.]