Thursday, September 26, 2013

Interdaterview

(2 people, TOPPO and SEEKER, sit on opposite sides of a table or desk-- on a date? at a job interview? Maybe both in one? A general interview, to possibly lead to a job or further interviews/dates? Maybe both wear business suits and have papers in front of them, but both also have drinks in front of them, too. As they talk, SEEKER seems to shrink into his or her seat, the shrinkage seeming commensurate with or proportionate to TOPPO's booming interrogation.)

TOPPO (deathly serious): Do you have any subtle points?
(Pause.)
SEEKER: Yes, I must have some... somewhere (rifles through bag, papers, or briefcase)...
T: Faster!
S (quickly handing T a piece of paper): Okey dokey!
T (looking at the paper): Yeeeesss...
S: People tell me it's VERY subtle.
(T throws the paper on the floor.)
T: Indeed. So... You must have... some questions... for US.
S: Yes... Well... Do you have any kids?
T: SILENCE!
S: Sorry! I know this is only the first interdaterview, I just--
T: Person talking to me, have you ever heard the tale of the mouse and the grape?
S: I think so-- I mean, of course I have, who hasn't? That's the one where the--
T: I am talking! This story concerns a mouse who goes out into the world and meets a single grape. That grape... is all alone. Terribly... painfully... alone. Have you any idea now of what I'm driving at?
S: A grape in great pain. Grape pain.
T: Do you have any idea what it's like to be ONE grape, just ONE, without any others around it for company?! For the smell? To share that grapey SMELL?!
(S is by now very tiny in his/her seat, terrified.)
S: I'll do anything you ask.
T: YES! Yes! That is the answer I've been looking for!
(T bounds out of his/her seat and gives S a massive hug.)
You don't know how lonely I've been! How desperately lonely! I've been all ALONE! Stay with me forever! STAY with MEEEEE!
(T crumples down and hugs S's feet and ankles.)
S: Ohhh... Kay. OK. Yes.
T: Thank you, thank you...
(S turns to the audience or camera.)
S: Don't say you'd never do it.