Wednesday, September 19, 2012


DOLAN: Come here, I'm eating a marshmallow.

SBEN: One marshmallow?

D: Yes, it's family size. Now come here and sit and watch me eat it while I comment on you.

S: OK. Sounds fair.

D: You really don't have anything else to do, do you.

S: You're right about that there. Yep.

D: So if I told you to go do something else, you probably wouldn't know what to do, would you.

S: No, you're right again there.

D: Well, I'm going to keep commenting on you.

S: That's what I get! You got to give a little to get a little! You get in what you put out. It takes a--

D: Stop.

S: OK.

D: You are empty. I talk about you, therefore you ARE. If YOU try talking, it's a waste of the universe.

S: Right again!

D: Shut it. Now, you will be sitting here as long as I tell you to.

S: Sure thing!

D: You are not a good friend to anyone because you could hardly even be considered a person. Am I right? [S looks as if s/he's about to respond.] Of course I am. If anything, you might make a good doorstop. IF you could keep still.

S: Keeping still, alright!

D: Yes, you like my ideas. You are not a person, but somehow you do contain the seeds for conflict. The you that you are is at war with all ideas of what a person should be. No ego, no personality. No opinions, not even any preferences for one thing over another. You probably don't even have a favorite color.

S: No, no color.

D: You are little more than a talking vegetable.

S: OK! Sounds good.

D: No. It is neither good nor bad. You are agreeable to the point of oblivion. Not of value in any way. A human paperweight.

S: Ohhhhh. [S sounds like s/he has just had something explained to her and it finally all makes sense.]

D: Quiet. Anyway, in spite of all that, I'm going to keep you around. If anything, you make me look taller.

S: Yes, I'm quite small.

D: Yes, you're nothing at all.

S: A-ha!

D: There you go again. Just sit there. I just want you to keep sitting there, don't move, and don't do anything else from here on out. OK?

S: Huh.

[S floats up and away like a balloon, without any emotion and without seeming to try.]

D: Useless. [yelling to someone unseen, offstage:] Bill, fetch me another one of those people things from the fridge.

BILL [from offstage]: Coming!

D: I am weary.

[And it could just go on and on and on and even turn into something else and/or be part of a longer piece.]

[See the site of National Sketch Writing Month for the meaning of all this.]