Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Ferret

A: I don't WANT to give the ferret a treat. I'll be damned if that ferret's going to get a treat from me. No thank you, Donkey!

P: He won't get a treat FROM you. He'll get a treat BECAUSE of you.

A: Don't I have a say in the matter? What if I don't want him to get any treats at all?

P: It's not for you to decide. Whatever direction the ferret points, that is the way we go.

A: Crap. I knew I should have voted in the last election.

P: Well, we're going to make more ferrets soon. I'll sign you up on the list if you're interested.

A: I don't think that would be in the ferret's best interest. Seeing as I'm interested in not giving them treats and all. I mean, if you just want someone to not reward one of your ferrets, I can do that.

P: You can? That's great! I'll just need your email for the waiting list...

A: As long as I don't have to touch the thing. Or bring it into my house.

P: What about a yard? Do you have a yard?

A: There's a little area of the driveway where we keep the trash cans.

P: OK, that works.

A: As long as it doesn't need me to clear a space for it. It can just hang out in one of the garbage cans, right?

P: Uh... I'd have to check on that for you.

A: That's alright. No need to bother. I know, why don't you put me at the very end of your waiting list? And if other people sign up, put their names above mine on the list, so I'm always dead last.

P: Oh... OK.

A: Yes. I pretty much just want a guarantee that I'll never have to encounter a ferret.

P: Well... we might have a special program for that. Noncarers Noncaring For Ferrets Who Don't Care.

A: And what would I have to do?

P: Just feed it. And try not to throw it too hard.

A: Oh. Would I have to get close?

P: Well...

A: How about if I have someone else feed it with a little basket at the end of a long stick?

P: OK. Sure. A pole might work, too.

A: Great. You'll go ahead and take care of that for me, then. I'll be in touch. I'm always looking for more stuff to not do for the cause.

P: You're in a long line, then.

A: Yes, at the very end, of course. See to it. Ciao. [A exits.]

P: A long, beautiful line...

---The End--



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[See the site of National Sketch Writing Month for the meaning of all this.]